Losing a cat is challenging and can impact your ability to function. Grief is a lifelong process so it may be a while before you’re back at your regular capacity if you were especially close to your cat. When my cat, Zoloft, died last August, I had a hard time doing much until January and didn’t really become functional until April. I’m still not at my full capacity, but I’m not as bad as I was in the first few weeks.
Not everyone is quite as dysfunctional as I am after losing a cat, but that doesn’t mean everything will be easy. Unfortunately, the outside world doesn’t stop even if you need it to. You still have to take care of your own basic needs. If you have other cats, pets, or human children, you’ll need to take care of their needs too. Here are some practical strategies to help with keeping yourself afloat.
Prepare Ahead If Possible
You may or may not have warning that your cat’s time with you is coming to an end. If you can set things up ahead of time to make life easier when you are in the acute phase of grief immediately after your cat’s passing, it will help a lot.
Set up your life so you won’t have any disasters if you have a few days or weeks where you have diminished capacity to do things. A few ideas include:
- Set up autopay for bills or autoship for any basic supplies you or others in your home. This may include getting medications set to be mailed to you, pet food sent your way, or scheduling a grocery delivery.
- If you have an appointment for euthanasia scheduled, take the day off work and the next day if possible. Even taking that one day off gives you time to grieve.
- Set a vacation responder on your e-mail so people know you will not be available for a few days or may take longer to respond. You don’t have to say why.
Focus on spending time with your cat while they are still around, but many of these things can be done with your cat nearby or resting on your lap so you may not even need to sacrifice any time with your cat to do them.
Outsource Tasks
Even if you prepare ahead, you can’t do everything ahead of time. One of the best things you can do is delegate tasks to someone else. If you have a loved one who can help clean or is willing to drop off food, say yes. You’ll have more time and mental resources to do the hard task of grieving.
If you can’t have someone assist with basic tasks, consider hiring someone. There are apps that can connect you to people to assist with any number of unusual tasks. You may not need them for long, but it will allow you to continue to remain minimally functional.
Other easy ways to outsource tasks:
- Order takeout or go grab food in a restaurant if getting out of the house feels good
- Hire a pet sitter to take care of your other pets for a few days
- Use a service that does your laundry and folds it for you
With the internet, you can someone to help with almost any task you can think of with a few clicks and a credit card. While you can’t let everything completely fall apart in your life, there’s nothing wrong with asking someone else to do things for you.
Make Cleanup Easy
Along those lines, consider outsourcing some tasks to your garbageman. This isn’t the most environmentally friendly solution, but it won’t be forever. Use disposable plates and silverware temporarily until you feel more stable to cut down on not only doing dishes, but also putting them away. Consider using disposable litter boxes if you have other cats so you can just toss them if you get behind on litter box maintenance. If something has a single use version, now is the time to use that until you’re feeling better.
Take Care Of Your Basic Needs
While it may seem obvious to keep eating, sleeping, and doing other biologically necessary things for yourself, sometimes it can slip your mind when you’ve freshly lost s special cat. Loss of appetite isn’t uncommon when you’re in the acute stage of grief. Even if you aren’t hungry, eat something. Do your best to get some sleep even if it’s not the greatest sleep of your life. You definitely won’t feel any better if you’re sleep deprived and hungry.
Meet Other Needs, Too
Of course, humans typically don’t thrive if we only meet our very basic needs. You may not be able to do everything you normally would, but try to do things that make you feel good, too.
The thing I found the most helpful? Forcing myself to shower even if I really, really didn’t want to. It helped me feel normal and there was something that was cleansing about showering. If you’re having a hard time and can’t manage that, even changing your clothes may help.
If you have the energy, moving or connecting with nature may help. Go for a walk or get some exercise in to help boost your mood. Having a friend join you can help meet your social needs, too. Isolating may be tempting, but people in your life who support you will be there for you.
Don’t Rush Any Decisions
While some decisions may need to be made quickly such as what to do with your cat’s body after they pass, others can wait. For example, if you get your cat cremated, you don’t have to decide right away to do anything with their ashes. You have time. You will be in an extremely emotional place and you may later feel differently than you do in that moment.
The same goes for deciding to get rid of or keep anything that belongs to your cat. You can always put it aside and make a choice later. Some of it you may want to give away or dispose of eventually, but you don’t have to decide on what immediately. Plus, you never know when you’ll find joy in a new feline friend enjoying their things. It was comforting seeing my new cats enjoy Zoloft’s favorite toy, the Cat Dancer, and making use of The Chair.
Including Getting Another Cat
I ended up adopting ‘Zac the day after I lost Zoloft. I had intended to just go pet cats at the shelter because I really needed to get some cat time, but I couldn’t leave him there. Don’t get me wrong, Prozac is a great cat and I am very glad he’s in my life. I can’t imagine not having him here.
It was also very hard having a new cat that early after losing my best friend. There were a lot of things that normally are very special about having a new cat I missed out on because I was so sad. Everything about our first year together is a bit tainted by grief. He’s helped a lot, but it hasn’t been easy.
The same goes for my other cat, Poutine, who came along a few months later. We’ve had rocky times as well when I’ve been really missing Zoloft, but he’s also been extremely comforting. The last few days, as I approach one year without Z, have been tough. He’s picked up on something being off and been extra snuggly. At other times, he’s been a source of stress.
There’s not a right or wrong answer as to when to get a new cat after you lose one that fits everyone. Make sure you’re ready.
Be Kind To Yourself
Above all, make sure you are kind to yourself. I know that seems cheesy, but chances are you are not going to be at your best. I took a lot longer than usual to reply to clients’ e-mails and was not as enthusiastic as I was normally. I would cry randomly in Target and was extremely irritable for months after Zoloft passed. It was hard to do everything I needed to in order to take care of myself.
At first, I beat myself up about it, but a friend eventually made a comment about how what I was going through was a traumatic event. Losing Zoloft wasn’t some minor loss. Yes, I knew it would happen eventually when I adopted him, but we formed a bond so much deeper than I could have imagined. He loved me and I loved him. Him being physically gone from my life (our bond can continue with our animals after they pass, regardless of whether you believe they still exist on some level) wasn’t a small change.
I’ve since been a lot more forgiving of myself when I need more time to reply to an e-mail or when I’m not as patient with Poutine as I’d normally be. As the one year anniversary approaches next week, I’m ordering more take out and being realistic about if I’ll cook or not.
I won’t. I know I won’t. That’s okay.
Be kind to yourself for doing what you need to do. Forgive yourself if you’re crankier than usual. Your loss is profound and valid. You’ll get back to a new sort of normal eventually. You’re doing the best you can in a tough situation. You have a long journey ahead of you. Grief doesn’t go away overnight and may stick with you to some degree for a long time. Take care of yourself however you need to now so you can get through to tomorrow.
