When we bring a cat into our lives, we traditionally have thought of it as a form of ownership. However, a more modern, accurate, and fulfilling perspective is to view the relationship as exactly that: a relationship. Cats are living creatures with unique personalities, emotions, preferences, and memories. Your cat has feelings about you and you have feelings about your cat.
So how to do you start building a relationship with your cat? You’re already doing it every time you interact with them, but you can tip in a positive direction with some intentionality.
Start By Understanding Your Cat’s Personality
Every cat has their own distinct personality and no two cats, even of the same breed will be exactly alike. Some cats are outgoing and playful, while others are more reserved and independent. My cats, Poutine and ‘Zac, are both very different cats despite being Siamese mixes. Poutine is loud and outgoing. Prozac is sweet, but shy. They each bring something different to my life.
Rather than trying to change your cat’s personality, accept them for who they are and learn to celebrate the unique cat you have. I love playing with Poutine and getting gentle snuggles from ‘Prozac’Zac. I loved doing both with Zoloft, but he was definitely more of a snuggler. All of these moments with each cat are different, but special in a unique way.
Respecting Their Boundaries
Understand what your cat likes and building your relationship by giving them things they will enjoy, not just what you think they will enjoy or want them to enjoy (especially if they’re things your cat will hate). Examples include:
- The things they like to play with
- What flavors of treats and foods they like
- When, when, and if they like being petted
- Not getting another cat if they don’t like other cats
Provide a Safe and Stimulating Environment
Cats need stimulation to thrive. They aren’t easier versions of dogs and many of them are chronically bored. They should also feel safe in the environment you create. Ensure they have access to comfortable places to rest, plenty of scratching posts, and a variety of toys to keep them entertained.
Yes, that means you need to have cat furniture in every room including places for them to climb. There is some really cool cat furniture out there so that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your home’s looks, but it does mean you have to include your cat in your design choices.
Communicate Effectively
Cats don’t speak or understand human language (and we don’t speak their language), but they have their own ways of communicating. Pay attention to their body language, vocalizations, and other behaviors. I recommend Lili Chin’s Kitty Language to anyone who will listen because it’s such a fantastic tool for learning how your cats communicate. While it may not directly build your relationship to read a book, the changes to your behavior as you understand your cat better certainly will!
Build Trust
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship between humans and it’s not any different between humans and cats. Be patient, positive, and consistent in your interactions with your cat. Doing something (relatively) simple like teaching them a predictor cue before you do something unpleasant like clipping their nails can help keep things predictable and teach them you are trustworthy.
Skip Punishments
Don’t punish your cat as this can damage trust and create fear. Instead, focus on rewarding behavior you want to see more of. I can hear from people all the time who feel they have to punish their cat to stop something they don’t like them doing, yet I never recommend using squirt bottles or other methods of punishment and get great results with clients. It isn’t necessary and your relationship with your cat will be better if you work with them, not against them.
Spend Quality Time Together
Finally, don’t forget to build a bond with your cat by spending quality time together. Engage in activities that your cat enjoys, not just ones you enjoy, such as playing with toys, grooming them, or simply sitting quietly in their presence. Why not turn on a movie about cats and enjoy some purrs as they sit on your lap?
Building a relationship with your cat takes time and effort. It has to be about both of you, not just what you want from your cat. By reframing your thinking to look at your relationship for what it is, an actual relationship, you can foster a deep and meaningful connection with your cat. You’ll treasure that relationship always.
